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Michela e le altre
Cara redazione,
sono finita in carcere per la prima (ed unica) volta a quarantacinque anni  perché mio fratello mi ha coinvolto in una storia di riciclaggio di denaro . Inutile dire che non sapevo da dove venivano quei soldi però potevo immaginarlo ed ho accettato lo stesso, senza fare domande. Mi sono limitata a dire  di si come ho fatto quasi sempre nella mia vita. Io e mio marito abbiamo un banco al mercato e quando ero in libertà mi alzavo alle quattro di mattina. Il pomeriggio invece mi dedicavo alla casa e ai miei  figli che quando sono stata arrestata  avevano dagli undici ai sedici  anni.  In carcere  ho  cercato come ho potuto di ingannare il tempo pensando che la mia vita sarebbe tornata ad avere un senso solo  con il mio ritorno a casa.  A poco a poco mi sono adattata: oggi lavoro in cucina, frequento un corso di teatro , ho imparato a usare il computer e  sono molto legata alla mia compagna di cella . Sabato scorso,  dopo quattro anni ,  ho finalmente  avuto un  permesso  di  due giorni  agli arresti domiciliari. All’inizio tutto è stato come un sogno: il pranzo pronto, i parenti venuti a trovarmi, i regali…Ma poi  i miei figli sono usciti ,mio marito si è  messo a  guardare la partita , a letto mi ha ignorato e la mattina dopo è andato a lavorare al banco (dove ora lo aiuta una ragazza straniera). Io sono restata a casa  sola, tra piatti e panni da lavare , cibi da cucinare e congelare per nutrire marito e figli  fino al mio fine pena. Ho mollato tutto e sono tornata in taxi in carcere, tre ore prima del rientro,   contenta di ritrovare la mia stanza e Martina, sconvolta dall’avere capito quanto sono cambiata, ma anche  da una domanda : quante possibilità ha di cambiare vita una donna a cinquant’anni  e pure” pregiudicata”?
Ciao
Michela

Cara Michela,
non voglio in alcun modo mettere in un canto la specificità dolorosa della tua situazione. Ma ti chiedi tu stessa quante possibilità abbia una donna, a cinquant’anni, di cambiare vita: lo chiedi a noi tutte (e, spererei, anche tutti), e quel “pure pregiudicata” dice molto sulla tua e sulla nostra condizione. Perché si potrebbe dire “pure ammalata”, “pure separata”, “pure con un/una figlio/a disabile”, e gli esempi potrebbero continuare. O, addirittura, una donna e basta: perché non sono  tenere con noi, in particolare a cavallo della menopausa, né la vita, né la società che abbiamo intorno.
Menopausa, infatti, resta parola impronunciabile, mentre si moltiplicano a dismisura creme anti-età, trattamenti contro l’invecchiamento, lifting che plasmano viso e corpo su modelli tutti uguali. La storia che portiamo sul nostro corpo e sulla nostra faccia appare come un difetto grave da cui emendarsi, se non addirittura una colpa. La giovinezza ( la “bellezza dell’asino”, si diceva una volta) sembra l’unica merce appetibile sul mercato del desiderio, e anche su quello del potere.
Una delle poche cose gentili che mio padre, non certo prodigo di complimenti, mi disse nell’imminenza di un intervento chirurgico che mi spaventava, fu: “Un corpo senza cicatrici e senza rughe è un corpo senza storia”. E forse parlava di cicatrici e rughe anche dell’anima. Io sono convinta che non pochi uomini siano capaci di apprezzare la maturazione  dei nostri corpi e delle nostre anime, ma siamo noi per prime a doverci credere, a non lasciarci inchiodare alla biancheria da lavare e stirare e ai fornelli. A un senso di inferiorità rispetto alle donne più giovani, e magari – secondo i canoni correnti – più belle.
Nessuna di noi è soltanto una lavatrice o una pentola: certo non tu, che nell’esperienza del carcere hai saputo ritagliarti spazi di relazioni, di creatività, di esperienza. Anche se è difficile, dunque, non sei tu, a dover cambiare, non è la vita che hai fra le mani adesso: sono gli altri, quelli intorno a te, che devono farlo. 
Non c’è una ricetta facile che io possa indicarti perché l’insieme recuperi una propria armonia: se l’avessi trovata, in un percorso diverso ma non meno doloroso del tuo, sarei in tutt’altra condizione. Bacchette magiche non ce n’è, ma possiamo almeno incamminarci su una strada che ci renda più radicate in noi stesse, più consapevoli del nostro valore, meno dipendenti dalle opinioni degli altri. Meno disposte a contrattare il loro affetto con il nostro lavoro di casalinghe per sempre.
Questa strada tu la stai già immaginando, Michela, anche se per ora senti solo o quasi la sofferenza  dei rifiuti e degli abbandoni. Martina che ti vuol bene, Martina testimone dei tuoi cambiamenti, mi sembra  un buon punto per riprendere forza e ripartire: magari senza buttar via niente del passato,  ma senza lasciartene trascinare in un fondo melmoso che non ti meriti. Cerca acque più pulite, vieni a galla: lo so che sei e potrai essere una grande nuotatrice….
Molti auguri, e un abbraccio
Clara Sereni





Cara Michela,
accettare e cambiare. Sono stati questi i due fulcri della tua vita negli ultimi anni. Accettare di aver sbagliato, senza farti troppi sconti. Accettare (adattarsi scrivi tu) la vita detentiva, con le sue regole, le sue violenze, i suoi spazi, le sue persone e scoprire che nonostante tutto c’è qualcosa di buono. Accettare la lontananza dalla famiglia, i rimpianti, il dolore provocato e ricevuto. Accettare il confronto con una vita così diversa, con persone tanto lontane da te all’apparenza. Accettare la solitudine e scoprire l’amicizia dietro le sbarre. Accettare dunque, ma insieme cambiare. Riscoprirti all’improvviso diversa da come eri quando facevi la madre e la moglie, quando eri abituata a dire di sì, quando ti alzavi prima del sole per andare al lavoro e continuavi a lavorare in casa per accudire la famiglia.
La pena, secondo la costituzione italiana e secondo le leggi che regolano la vita prigioniera dovrebbe proprio aiutare a compiere un percorso di cambiamento: dall’illegalità verso la legalità, verso nuovi modelli comportamentali della civile convivenza, partendo proprio dal riconoscimento delle proprie responsabilità più o meno gravi. Non sempre però è così, anzi spesso è il suo contrario.
Tu ci sei riuscita. Non so se grazie al carcere o nonostante esso, ma per te il tempo della pena è stato un cammino di trasformazione, senza che tu te ne rendessi conto, convinta che fuori la vita sarebbe ripresa come prima e aspettando con ansia il momento di riassaporare quella vita libera.
C’è voluto l’impatto con il fuori rimasto immobile, pietrificato nel ricordo di una donna madre e moglie che invece in quattro anni aveva sperimentato una nuova vita, nuovi rapporti, un nuovo sguardo su di sé. C’è voluta tutta la solitudine dopo la festa con i figli e il marito ancora più lontani proprio quando erano fisicamente più vicini. C’è voluto il dolore di sentire la tua casa estranea. C’è voluto tutto questo per renderti conto che in questi quattro anni sei diventata un’altra persona, più forte, più autonoma, più rispettosa di te stessa, desiderosa di relazioni significative e non solo formali. C’è voluto tutto questo per capire che nel carcere avevi trovato qualcosa di nuovo. Per scoprire che esisti anche oltre la famiglia, che esisti con la tua testa, il tuo cuore, i tuoi sentimenti, i tuoi pensieri, i tuoi sogni, i tuoi silenzi. Che sei una donna nuova.
Una scoperta entusiasmante ma anche dolorosa e che ti chiede ancora uno sforzo. Essere diversi in carcere è più facile di quanto non sia esserlo fuori, quando si deve riprendere in mano la vita quotidiana con tutto ciò che ne è parte: il marito, i figli, la casa, gli amici, il lavoro, la vita libera. Un passo difficile, duro, anche violento. E tu oggi ti chiedi: quante possibilità ha di cambiare vita una donna a cinquant’anni e pure ”pregiudicata”?
Finché c’è vita c’è speranza dice il proverbio e tu hai imparato che è così. Lo hai sperimentato in carcere, quando la vita sembrava finita, quando il buio era molto più forte della luce, quando il dolore copriva ogni altro sentimento. Sembrava impossibile ricominciare allora, così come sembra impossibile oggi. Ma quel che è impossibile è tornare a essere la Michela di prima. E tu lo sai.
Sei riuscita a trasformare il tempo della pena in un momento di crescita. Allo stesso modo saprai affrontare il tempo del reinserimento (a volte molto più duro della pena stessa) in un’occasione di rivincita della nuova Michela nata dietro le sbarre. Non da sola. Insieme alle persone che in questi anni ti hanno accompagnato nel tuo cammino e insieme ad altri nuovi amici che sapranno apprezzarti, sostenerti e confortarti. E magari, ma solo dopo, anche insieme alla tua famiglia, quando avrà imparato a conoscerti e rispettarti.
È vero sei pregiudicata e per molte persone significa che non meriti più nulla. Ma siamo in tanti fuori a credere che così non è e a ringraziarti per la tua testimonianza, il tuo esempio, il tuo coraggio. Perché per cambiare ci vuole davvero molto coraggio.
Con affetto sincero
Daniela de Robert


Cara Michela
Preferire il carcere alla famiglia, come le donne  afgane detenute ad  Herat, significa  avere già scelto di cambiare vita e, probabilmente, a qualsiasi costo.  Meglio, comunque,  cercare di immaginare quello che ti aspetta, prima di compiere il grande passo. Tornando a casa dal lavoro (in una cooperativa sociale,per  poche centinaia di euro  al mese ) troverai,  come sempre,  un letto da rifare e la cena da preparare, ma scoprirai di non avere fretta  e finirai per farti un prosecco davanti al tg3 . I tuoi figli smetteranno di venirti a trovare la domenica perché nell’appartamento dove vivi (30mq. divisi  con un’amica) non c’è posto per l’asse da stiro e  per inviti  a pranzo. Così avrai presto lunghe serate e week end vuoti ( o liberi, fai tu) da occupare con il laboratorio di teatro, escursioni in montagna e un po’ di volontariato sociale. Quanto all’amore, meglio non farsi illusioni: all’uscita del carcere ho visto quasi sempre donne  attendere uomini. Il che non vuol dire che sarai sempre  o per sempre sola. Qualche  incontro interessante,  senza impegno e senza futuro  capita  a chi è capace di apprezzarlo. L ‘alternativa più frequente è il sessantenne di buon cuore, in cerca di donne sfortunate e servizievoli, carico di  figli e nipoti  pronti a venire a pranzo la domenica... e a restituirti  il calore di una famiglia.
Antonella Barone


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il 7/2/2014


Osservatorio sulla contenzione
a cura di Grazia Serra

  
   

   
    a cura di Francesco Gentiloni

" Il grado di civiltà di un Paese si misura osservando la condizione delle sue carceri"
Voltaire

 


Relizzazione tecnica: Emiliano Nieri
Progetto grafico: Enrico Calcagno, Daniele Funaro - AC&P - Aurelio Candido e Partners
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